1. Because Shrek is a classic. Because Shrek has been here since the birth of everything.

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2. Because Shrek has mated with Barbie, creating a race of indestructible super soldiers know as Shrarbie in their native tongue.

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3. Because Shrek transcends time; he is omnipresent, seeing all possibilities and realities at once.

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4. Because Shrek had written your destiny before you could even comprehend that your true purpose in life was to serve the Ogrelord.

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5. Because knowledge is power and the only thing you need to know is Shrek.

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6. Because Shrek can elevate anything, even brony memes. Truly a miracle.

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7. Because Shrek is literally inside you right now.

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8. Because each time you take a bite of him, he takes a bite of you. Your soul sustains his immortality for all time.

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9. Because now that you’ve understood what the apex of perfection is, you won’t stop until you one of your own.

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10. Because only Shrek can save you now. Accept him. OR ELSE.

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11. Because you can’t spell erotic without Shrek. You also can’t think erotic thoughts without summoning Shrek. You don’t want to know what happens to Shrek when you masturbate.

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12. Because this is the teat of life we should all be suckling.

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14. Because no one can see prejudice when all they can see is Shrek.

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15. Because The Swamp is where you go when you’ve shuffled your mortal coil and transcended the earthly planes to truly merge your soul with the never-ending entity that is da based Shrek.

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Follow Elsa into the light children.

16. BECAUSE SHREK IS LOVE. SHREK IS LIFE.

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